Although the divorce rate has stabilized, there is still being a spectacular growth of the chances of a newlywed couple to end divorcing.

For instance, in USA, in 1890, about 10% were getting divorced, in 1920, the number had slightly grown until 18%, in 1950, it was about 30% and in 1970, already 50% of the couples were divorcing.

Moreover, in 1990 the image becomes atrocious: 67% of the married ones were getting divorced. The ascendant tendency is kept in most of the developed countries. If things will remain like this, only 3 from 10 couples will live with the warrantee of accomplish the "until death tear us apart" oath.




           


This reality questions an old theory of the psychologist Sigmund Freud who used to say to his disciple, Erikson:

"love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness".

It seems we pay for this so-called evolution with a lack of emotional maturity and humanness… or maybe not. However, let's pass on the details of the shortcomings of a marriage, on women's guilt and stop to the role of men in all this.


The sex difference

The existence of a difference between sexes isn't only an illusion.

Even scientists say, "After more than 30 years of marriage, there is a clear distinction between husband and wife regarding the way they look the emotional conflicts".

Generally, men are not as available to enter contradictory discussion as women are, concludes Robert Levenson, from Berkeley University, California, after a study made on 151 couples with long-term marriages.


Men - the vulnerable sex?

Moreover, husbands prove a higher intensity of negative spirit, than their wives do, as a reaction towards the reproaches.

Face to face with a negative reaction of women, men secret more adrenalin in blood and, implicitly, they need more time to get over the discomfort mood.

Hence, we'd say that, strictly emotional, men are more overwhelmed by personal conflicts and bravery and indifference are only masks for protection.

Men's ironing is in reality only the defense against an imminent flood that they anticipate.Scientists proved that in the moment when a man isolates himself, the cardiac rhythm decreases with about 10 beats a minute, which confers a slight subjective feel of relief.

Paradoxically, while men are protecting under a wall, women get unsatisfied, their cardiac rhythm growing.


The relationship man - woman in a marriage is a spectacular tango of emotions, each of the partners searching for consolation in different ways:

Men want to avoid emotional conflicts, while women feel the need for searching them intentionally.

Therefore, now the weaknesses chains: the woman is unsatisfied of the lack of husband's involvement and externalizes negatively - she we'll feel frustration, anger and becomes hateful - he starts to perceive himself as an innocent victim - also, he retreats completely - she, feeling discouraged, starts the flood.

In the end the dilemma remains: is man the weak links because of his emotional weakness or women are because of their incapacity of self-controlling?

However, what does matter is to understand these differences between us and to accept them maturely for learning to protect our relationships and marriage.

And the first rule in realizing relies in understanding the feelings of the other: in most of the cases, anger is not an attack, but an unhappiness, while the indifference is a fear of failing and hurting.




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